Time and time again, the internet space explodes with excitement over rumors and speculations about unannounced products. The stories tend to be pretty similar in their tenor. As we are now nearing the end of the summer, I would like to offer pundits a chance to take a break and, in the interest of saving everyone some valuable time, I’ve created the new product form, a revolutionary fill-in-the-blank solution that will soon enter the market at a revolutionary price point. I now present the beta version of the form, along with the beta version of the rebuttal form.
The recent rumor surrounding the [assumed] release of new [service / product / device ] clearly show that the industry is in the midst of a transition that will lead to the death of everything we now know. Take, for example, [traditional industry that has existed for centuries or more]. It is clear that they will no longer be able to survive in a world where [service / product / device ] exists as their livelihood was clearly based on making money out of what is now an assumed feature in the rumored [service / product / device].
Remember when [company] introduced [successful product]. That product ended up killing [industry that was doing a decent job of committing suicide]. The new [ service / product / device ] is obviously going to do the same for [new industry that may or may not be related ]. That is what makes [ company ] a true innovator: its ability at locking up existing industry and locking out existing players in order to derive great profits for itself.
Because [company] is obviously going to own the new industry, any criticism of its strategy should be dismissed or at least ignored as it is clear that [company] does not like criticism and will try to crush any critic. As an affirmed blogger, it is better to be toeing the party line provided by [company] in order to ensure that one still has a chance at the hope of dreaming to be invited to a future company product release. As it is clear that company has made the market better for consumers by destroying the incumbents in [industry], it is also clear that anything that may shine a light on [company]’s abuse is an attempt at manipulation by [company’s] competitors.
Taking the two templates above and cycling through most of the large players’ names on a weekly basis will ensure that you are seen as an important technology pundit and will allow you to get a high Klout score and lots of followers on the social network of your choice.
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